A Mother's Day to Remember

As I wake up and think about the significance of today, which happens to be Mother's Day, a weird feeling overcomes me. I am happy because I got to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mom, out shopping and just hanging out.  I will be celebrating Mother's Day with my Mother In Law today who is in town from Minnesota, and that makes me happy....but then, a sadness overcomes me as I remember or recognize that I now have someone else's Mom to consider.  My donor's Mother.  I don't know anything about this woman, or if she and her son had a relationship, but I do know that if she were involved in her son's life, today might be especially hard for her.  Hard because he son's life was cut way too short, and I know she would probably have loved to celebrate even one more Mother's Day's with her son.

To my donor's mother, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sure you miss your son everyday, but especially on days like today.  I'll have you know that despite us knowing absolutely nothing about each other, you and your son hold a special spot in my heart that no one else can occupy.  I will try my best to honor you and your son and cherish these new lungs he so graciously gave me upon his passing.  I continue to wake up everyday and I have to pinch myself that it's real, I have had a transplant.  I quickly remember as I don't have to rush to get a breathing treatment in just to start my day.  I don't have the hum, or rather the, loud roar, of "R2D2" as my husband calls it, of the bedside oxygen concentrator all night.  I am not waking up with "oxygen lines" on my face!  I've gained so many hours back during my day from not needing breathing treatments every 2-4 hours.

So, as you sit down today with your Mom's, realize how special it really is to BE with your Mom on day's like today.  Also realize there are many Mom's out there who might be hurting on this Mother's Day, because they've lost a child.  And there are plenty of others who wished they could be Mom's but for one reason or another they can't.  Mom's come in all shapes, forms, sizes and we want to recognize and appreciate each and every one of you.

I'd like to wish my Mom and my Mother in Law,  a Happy Mother's Day.  I was lucky enough to already have an amazing Mom, and then I gained another wonderful mother, upon marrying into Bob's family. And finally, I want to wish my donor's mother a happy Mother's Day.  While your son may not be there with you, he is living on through me and I am wishing you the most comforting Mother's Day wishes I can.  I hope one day to meet you, and I hope you can hear/see your son living on through me as I try to make him proud!!  Happy Mother's Day!!!

4 weeks of a new life

As I wake up today, I immediately think of a couple of things. First, what a miracle today is. Today marks 4 weeks exactly since I had my double lung transplant.  This time 4 weeks ago, I was under the care of many hospital staff, on an operating table with my chest cracked wide open and I was getting my second chance at life "installed".  4 weeks ago, my life was in others hands, and yet another life had been lost too early.  I think of my donor, and his family.  I think of the grief and loss they must feel knowing that today marks 4 weeks since their loved one passed.  In that moment, I take the deepest breath I can take, and I am reminded to be thankful, but that I am still healing, still very much in recovery mode.  I feel a slight pain in my chest as my chest cavity expands, but there are no wheezes, no crackles, I am not short of breath, I do not need a breathing treatment and I CAN BREATHE!!!!!!

Yesterday I went to the grocery store for the first time since before transplant (about 8 weeks), and what a treat!! It's the little things in life these days ;) Not only was I able to get out and walk about, but I did so WITHOUT oxygen! It's been about 2 weeks and I've not needed oxygen at all, which is a HUGE deal.  I had become known as "that girl with the cart/oxygen" around my apartment building and even at the grocery store they knew me, b/c anywhere I went, my trusty portable oxygen came with too.  So many people have commented that it must feel good to not have to lug that thing around, and it does!!

For the most part, recovery has remained good at a slow and steady pace.  Each day I feel a little better and a little stronger.  Sure I have had a few minor bumps.  Lately, I have been waking up with terrible headaches, my sleep has been broken down into about 3hr chunks, I need a nap during the day, I've had bouts of nausea and almost vomited the other day and I am peeing like madwoman...but all of this is NOTHING to deal with when you look at the big picture.  These are just minor bumps that come with the process.  They always tell you when you have transplant that you trade "one major" problem (not breathing well for me), for a "whole lot" of other problems.  I can say, it is a big deal to be able to breathe and so far nothing has made me doubt or question my need and decision to go through with this transplant, in fact each day I wake up and I am not having to take a breathing treatment first thing, I say thanks to my donor.  Last night, I am convinced my donor wanted me to sleep a full night for such a momentous day today.  I still woke up about every 3 hrs (which is better than it had been the other night at every hour), needing to use the restroom, but I was quickly able to go back to bed and back to sleep, so I felt pretty good upon getting up the day today.

Wish I could take credit for this photo but I can't.  What a cool shot though of a "lung tree"!

I am not quite sure how we will celebrate today, but I have my Mom and hubby here with me to do something special.  Thanks to everyone who has been following along in our journey and continued to encourage us all.  Your support means the world to us, as we could not do this without your help.  Continued thoughts and prayers would be appreciated as I continue to recover and need protection against germs, I need to build up strength and I need to put on a few pounds after I lost about 10-15lbs being in the hospital. Please also ask for patience and guidance for my husband and parents as they are my primary caretakers and this is no easy task .... yes, I am very stubborn.  :)

Much Love,
Rebs

My Sweet Barbie Girl.

Coffee dates with her were always so fun

As I write this, tears well up in my eyes, and my heart feels like it's being split in two.  Today was a day I knew was coming, and I tried to prepare for, but it stung and still stings.  Today, my sweet friend Barbie, my PCD pal and transplant buddy here in Houston, took her last breath and passed.  Surrounded by family and friends, she knew she was loved and she passed in peace without any pain.  We told her how much we loved her, how strong of a fight she put up, and that it was okay to fall asleep.  Many tears were shed with relationships from all different walks of life in the room with her.  When I arrived this morning, her beautiful blue eyes opened wide, and she knew I, along with everyone else in the room were with her, comforting her on her last few hours on Earth.

Right after transplant

Barbie and I had a very special bond.  One that I don't get to share with many people.  We met about 2 years ago, but it felt like we have known each other a lifetime.  She and I knew what it was like to go through each day struggling to breathe, what it feels like to be sick, everyday of your life.  Barbie waited 9 months for her transplant, and tomorrow would have been her 10 month anniversary with her new lungs.  I wish so much that she could have experienced more time with her precious new lungs.  At one point after transplant, she had over 100% lung function.  Thanks to her donor, and her donor's family, she DID experience a life, free of PCD-ridden lungs. She enjoyed life without oxygen, nebulizers and discomfort from poor lungs, and now she is ultimately free of any pain and suffering.  While I am comforted by knowing these things, it doesn't take away the hurt of losing a close friend, or the fear of what might happen on my own transplant journey.

5 months post transplant

Meeting Mama Fish

Last night, the most amazing thing happened.  Bob and I were helping to take care of Barbie and Dan's (her husband) dogs and cat, so that he could stay at the hospital with her.  It's about a 45 minute drive from the hospital, and on the way back home, I look out my window, and right next to us what do I see???  A bright pink, Volkswagen beetle, with the words "Barbie" written in white all over it!!! I literally could not believe my eyes.  It was a "Barbie car", and I've never, ever seen anything like that on the road.  Of all times, last night, it's right next to us.  I took it as a sign that Barbie would soon be free, out being her spunky self, enjoying life and quite possibly enjoying her own Barbie car.

I will miss you sweet friend, you were such a blessing to me and Bob.  We have a forever friend in you and Dan, and I know you will be our guardian angel, looking down on us as we move through life, and our own transplant ups and downs.  Rest in peace my girl, I love you...

Breathe Easy my sweet Barbie, you're now free to swim with the dolphins as you wished.