Lady in Red

Last night was an unforgettable night...for a couple reasons.  First and foremost, it was "date night" and we attended a show downtown called "Cirque Goes to the Movies". This spin off of the traditional Cirque de la Symphonie, showcased some amazing aerial acrobats, jugglers, contortionists and strongmen choreographing their number to some of film's most iconic numbers, such as Titanic & Star Wars, with music performed by the Houston Symphony.  What an brilliant combination, the Symphony and these crazy talented, strong, and athletic artists doing things unimaginable to most.  It was BY FAR one of the best shows, I've ever seen in my life.

These "outings" (while a blast and still completely worth it)  do take a lot out of me.  It takes me quite a while to get "fancied" up these days, and last night, I was the "Lady in Red".  I bought a new red dress, donned on some leopard print heels, painted my lips a shade of red, and best part of it all, I still had some reserve energy to go do dinner and the show.  Our seats were perfect, located very close to the stage, but smack dab in the middle, which means ... bathroom breaks weren't going to be easily concealable.  So at intermission, I decided I should go to the restroom.  The venue was quite large, and the restrooms were a hike for the average person.  There were however, some handicap/disabled restrooms much closer to our seats, so my husband suggested I use those.  He knows me often better than myself, so I hesitantly listened and agreed.  I say hesitantly, because, I didn't have my oxygen with me.  It can be rather cumbersome to navigate with, and we were using cabs for our travel needs, so it was door to door service.  I figured for the night, I would be okay, so as long as I wasn't needing to walk too far. Plus, when able...a girl needs a night out, dressed up, without the "accessory" of oxygen!

Here comes the other unforgettable part of the evening, one that for some reason or another, I can't seem to shake.  After making the (shorter) hike to the handicap restrooms, I was leaning against the wall, trying to catch my breath.  I am joined in line by a couple older ladies, when one approaches me and says, "this is the disabled restrooms, young lady".  I knew what she was thinking right then and there.  She took one look at me, the "Lady in Red", and saw no evident signs of me fitting the label of being "disabled".  I didn't have my oxygen on, I wasn't in a wheelchair, I had all my limbs, and to her, I was simply abusing the "disabled code of honor".  I turned to her and stated that I knew it was the disabled restrooms and continued to wait, trying to catch my breath, and keep my emotions in check.  She didn't stop..."Are you waiting for someone", she asked with a slight bitterness in her voice.  And then, I caved.  I firmly looked her in the eye and I said, "No, I am not waiting for someone, I am waiting to use them myself, because" ... and before I could even EXPLAIN, she rolled her eyes and gave me a look of utter disgust. I continued ... "I am waiting to use them myself ma'am, because I can't breathe, and have terrible lungs.  I am on the lung transplant list, and simply walking up a flight of stairs can make me feel like passing out.  So, I know I don't LOOK the part, but inside I am very sick".  Caught off guard, she replied, "Oh, well then, that is fine (giving me her approval that my excuse warranted the need for the disabled bathroom)....it's just that, you look so cute, Lady in Red".  Before she could see my eyes welt up with tears, a restroom became available and I snuck inside so that she didn't see my vulnerable side, my hurt, my embarrassment, the emotional pain she had just caused.

It's the sad reality, but this happens much more often than I'd like to admit.  I have to explain, WHY I am using the handicap spot, or bathroom if I don't have my oxygen on.  Last night was no different, it was just that this woman took it upon herself to say something directly to me.  Most of the time, I get disapproving looks if I happen to utilize the handicap bathroom, or parking spot ... without my oxygen.  On rare occasions, I might need to just run in the grocery store for a quick item, and I won't take my oxygen in with me.  What people see, is a healthy young woman who appears to be able to walk fine, taking up a handicap spot.  Yes, I have my sticker up, but to them, I could be abusing it, using someone else's perhaps?  What they see on the outside, is far from the truth.  They have no idea how much energy it takes for me to just make it to the store.  They don't see the hours of breathing treatments, the pain throughout my body, the struggle to do everyday things.  They don't see the sleepless night, the endless coughing, the blood coughed up coming from my lungs.  They don't see or feel the suffocation, the muscle spasms, the shooting pains in my ribs or my back.  No, what they see is a "Pretty Lady in Red" who MUST have no regard for what it means to be handicap.

Point of this blog?  The point is, lets not be so quick to judge others.  Let's not assume the worst in people.  Do I wish I didn't need to utilize those handicap bathrooms and parking spots, you bet, and I often don't if I don't have my oxygen, purely for the reason of fear of getting disapproving looks.  It bothers me, probably more than I should let it.  I can't even describe the humility I feel when I see others look at me and judge me, if I don't have my oxygen on and I need to use that blue handicap sticker.  But boy, how that changes when I have my oxygen.  Then, people look at me and I can see the curiosity in their eyes, along with their feeling sorry for me.  People are often very nice and accommodating when I have my trusted oxygen slapped on, but without it, I am not validated. I must be "THAT" girl, the one who takes shortcuts in life and doesn't have any regard for others .... when in reality, that couldn't be further from the truth.  Do I blame the lady for questioning me, no of course not.  I don't LOOK sick on the surface, so why wouldn't she question me?  But there certainly is a time, a place, and a better way to go about things.  I am sure she's seen people abuse the handicap accessibility, I have seen it myself.  I just wish she wasn't so quick to judge, especially on a night when I wanted go out without my oxygen, without the heavy reminder that I am very sick.

So, it's a new year ... people often wonder what they can do to better themselves. Here's a resolution for you ... don't be so quick to judge others.  We often have no idea what others are going through.  Let's give people the benefit of the doubt, and NOT assume the worst in people.  Let's start there, and I bet you'll be surprised in what you find, when you open your mind and your heart to hope for the better in our neighbors, our family and friends and complete strangers.  People are often very good at hiding their vulnerabilities from the world, and people sometimes, just don't want the constant reminder that they are sick.