To Texas and Back...

Well, one week ago today I was in the sunshiney state of Texas, enjoying 75degree sunny skies.  Today, I am back in Chicago.  The cold, dreary skies are not making the return a very "appealing" one. All in all, we had a wonderful Christmas, ate lots of fantastic food and just enjoyed the company of family and friends.  Our time in Texas reminded me of how much I miss living in the south.  Southern hospitality cant be beat and I hope someday Bob and I are able to return to the Lone Star State.  Bob has some southern blood in him...he loves going out shooting, loves BBQ (we don't get "real" BBQ here in chitown), enjoys the warmer weather and the southern twang :) Being with my family and friends this holiday season reminded me of how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life.

This is a picture of Bob and I, taken yesterday (12/27/10) at a place called the Oasis, just outside of Austin.  It was beautiful out....

Its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!!

With Christmas now less than a week away, I am so excited!!  This year we will be traveling to Austin, Texas to spend the holidays at my parents new "Tuscany Paradise" :). They have built a beatuiful home and I cant wait to start the celebrations tomorrow.  Christmas time always reminds me how lucky I am to have such an amazing, supportive, close family. It seems so crazy that a year ago Christmas was at our place in Chicago. We are looking forward to enjoying some of the best cooking I have ever known, my Mom's of course.  Here is a picture of their new home from the front, before they closed on it.  Just beautiful!

28

After turning 28 yesterday, I thought I would post twenty eight things that I love.  Seeing it is holiday season, I am again reminded of how lucky I am :)

Twenty Eight things I LOVE...

1. My ever loving and supportive family and friends
2. My wonderful husband
3. Bella and Tarver, they are like children to me
4. My job - to be able to take care of people and make a difference in their life, big or small, is so rewarding and wonderful
5. My doctor - she has been amazing and continues to fight for me and encourage me...
6. Chicago - what an amazing city it has been, we have loved living here.
7. Football - nothing beats football season, I love watching FB!
8. Cereal!!
9. Shopping
10. Movies
11. My Mom's cornbread dressing, so tasty!!
12. Candles, lots and lots of candles
13. Music - it is my therapy.
14. Working out - well, I have a love/hate relationship with working out. 
15. Fireplace - I love the feel and look of a warm fireplace:)
16. Bikram Yoga
17. Reading - love books, magazines, newspapers
18. Soccer
19. Traveling
20. Comfy sweats
21. Animals
22. Lattes!
23. Massages
24. The Elderly
25. "Arts and Crafts time" - getting creative with house decor
26. Getting snazzed up for a night out
27. Playing games
28. My life

I am truly blessed and I love my life.  It's no ordinary life, but who wants to be ordinary?  I appreciate every breath I take, every day I live, every moment I spend with family and friends. Happy Holidays!!

New Drug, New Hope!

Well, thank goodness for insurance.  The past month or so my doctor has been my cheerleader in the game of insurance.  She was able to submit the proper paperwork and documentation to help me try a new inhaled antibiotic.  This particular antibiotic is normally only covered under insurance if you have been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Well, thanks to my ever amazing doctor and a little luck, I am the proud owner of a boxful of Cayston and a new nebulizer.  I will start this new concoction at the first of the new year. This will come at a good time...new drug, new hope, new year!

Brrrr

It's officially "hibernation season" in the Haskin household.  Yup, winter is here.  It really did get frigidly cold so quickly, I have not had the usual time I need to adjust.  Chicago winters...ahhhh, they are just so much fun.  Actually, I will have to admit (and I NEVER thought I would admit this), but I do enjoy SOME of the cold weather for Christmas time. But with subzero temperatures here today, I am not loving anything whatsoever about this cold December day. 

It's the kind of cold that hurts when you breathe in unprotected air.  I can almost feel the muscles and airways in my lungs tighten up the minute I take my first breath of the icy air. It's the kind of cold that makes your eyes water, your nose run and then it all freezes to your face before you can wipe it off. It's the kind of cold that hurts my little furballs paws...I take them out to do their business and they wimper and limp because it is so cold.  It's actually very sad and pathetic and I have had to try and juggle carrying them BOTH back inside, while trying not to slip and fall on the ice covered sidewalks. One 14pound wiener dog, not a problem...add in a 30lb puggle to the other arm and balancing on an ice rink, that my friends is a recipe for disaster.

Oh well, that is the life of living in Chicago and you have to just get used to it.  So, today Mama Fish is back from Austin and she and I are going to go shopping.  Yes, still getting out in this winter weather land...but I suspect we will order in or make dinner inside our warm, comfortable house tonight.

On the lung front...I am feeling much better than I was last week and since my last post.  I believe the last post I actually thought I might have to be admitted soon (which could still happen) but I am very happy with how I felt over the weekend.  Bob and I laced up our running shoes and made it to the gym a couple times which was great.  On Saturday I ran a walked/ran a mile (14mins) and then did the elliptical for another 15 minutes.  Sunday, I did the elliptical for 25minutes and did some weightlifting. Grrr......So, I am optimistic that the worst is over for whatever I had last week...

I also decided to take a couple weeks off from having any type of "social drinks".  I usually like a glass of red wine with dinner, or a martini on occasion, but I thought a couple weeks of no drinking would be beneficial. Cheers to coffee, tea, diet coke and lots and lots of water!  I will have to indulge on my birthday however, that is rapidly approaching (12/17).  This birthday means so much more than just turned another year older...in many, many ways.

If she can do it, so can I...

I received a great gift in the mail yesterday, a book called "Seven Letters That Changed My Life" (thanks Mom and Dad!!).  An inspiring and truly motivational book written by a gal who has Cystic Fibrosis.  She has endured a lifetime of struggles with her CF and recounts the challenges she faced, including a double lung transplant and a kidney transplant. She is also an award winning athlete, a coach, a motivational speaker, an author...and the list goes on. 

As I peel back the superficial layers of this woman's life, it is kind of eerie.  It's like someone else is telling my story.  Someone else has walked in my shoes, felt those same feelings I felt, and still feel every day.  The pain, the frustration, the fear, the stubbornness and the overwhelming desire to beat this battle going on inside my body.  I've just opened the book and I don't want to put it down.  It reminds me how crucial it is to KEEP MOVING.  Doing something, even very little, is better than nothing at all.

The past month has been a tough one.  I started out the month feeling pretty good, then had to dive into what I call "steroidoma". That made me feel better for a while and then the past two weeks I've not felt good. at. all.  You see, the thing with this damn lung situation is it is so slow and lingering that it is hard for me to judge if I am just having a "bad lung day" or a "I need IV antibiotics/hospital time day".  I have come to the realization that it is probably about time for a hospital stay, unfortunately.  Yuck.

I had an interesting email with my wonderful doctor this week.  I can communicate with her via email which is so nice. So, I let her know how I am feeling and that I think I will most likely need to be admitted in the near future.  She of course says, whatever we need to do we will do, BUT .... she goes on to explain that there are some people who frown upon these types of "elective admissions", b/c they are "old-fashioned" and considered a "high-burden on resources" .  Well that really got my blood boiling.  Who are these PEOPLE that frown upon these "ELECTIVE admissions"?? I bet if they spent ONE day in my shoes or anyone with lung problems shoes, they would be frowning for different reasons.  It just irritates me that some people think they know what's "BEST" (and it might be from a cost perspective), but this is my damn life and my damaged lungs that need help, I am not an object of financial burden.  And to say this is an "elective admission", well I use the term "elective" loosely and if I had it my way, I would not have to make these types of decisions in the first place!!!    (Whhhheeeewwww....just writing about it gets my blood boiling again.)  Thanks to my wonderful doctor, she listens to me and trusts that I know how I feel and what I need....and she will do what it takes to make that happen.

I can usually tell when it's about time and I am trying to be a little more proactive than normal (I usually wait until I feel bad enough to be admitted)...and this time I want to be ahead of it.  So don't be surprised if I have to visit the dreaded hospital soon.  I'd much rather be the nurse taking care of me, than me being the patient, but this is life....

I have continued to work out, but over the last week I have noticed a much greater difficulty in breathing.  I had gotten up to 30 mins on the elliptical and feeling good with my running/walking.  On Monday & Tuesday of this week,  I felt like I had a 300 pound weight on my chest while I was working out...needless to say, those were hard workouts for me.  But, I persisted and did as much as I could, and walked away feeling proud that I at least gave it a shot and I did SOMETHING.  With this new book in my hands, some powerful motivational words and my stubbornness....I'll be back to feeling good in no time.  If someone that had a double lung transplant and a kidney transplant can get back on the horse and persevere to become a well known and respected runner....so can I.  "If she can do it, so can I...."  

BRONCHIECTASIS

By definition the medical term for Bronchiectasis is as follows;

    "Bronchiectasis is a disease state defined by localized, irreversible dilation of part of the bronchial tree. It is classified as an obstructive lung disease, along with emphysema, bronchitis and cystic fibrosis. Bronchiectasis is a condition in which an area of the bronchial tubes is permanently and abnormally widened (dilated), with accompanying infection."

Here is my refined definition as every single part letter of this word, I despise.

B-brutal
R-rare
O-ominous
N-noxious
C-challenging
H-harmful
I-incessant
E-esoteric
C-caustic
T-tenacious
A-atrocious
S-scary
I-irreversible
S-stationary

Well, there you have it. My rendition of this horrible, terrible, no good, very bad lung disease. It is simple but complex.  It has made me who I am today, and oddly enough, I am thankful for that. I am stronger because of it, hopeful because of it, stubborn because of it.  I do what I do, because of it. I am not however, defined by it.  I do not let it stop me from being me, or from doing anything in life I would like to do.  I have learned a lot about myself because of it, and I appreciate life because of it.  So, thank you, bronchiectasis, for making me who I am today.  It has been and will continue to be a "love-hate" relationship, but we're stuck with each other...so let the journey continue.

Sincerly,
Rebs

HOPE

Hope. Powerful, intangible.
That sense of relief, it is not over,
but just began.

Hope. Present but so far away,
full of life, passion.
Holding on, trying to get back up.

Courage to stand up against the enemy,
boxing gloves and sweat,
heavy breaths, deep breaths.
Filling the lungs with life.

Why, why me.
What did I do, did I deserve this.
I'll never understand, why.

I'll take it, bring it on.
think you can beat me, try again.
Resistance, pushing back.

Strong and solid,
not weak and fragile.
You think you'll win.
Guess again.

Hope, hold on, one more breath.
One long life to live.

H - Happiness.
O - Optimism.
P - Powerful.
E - Encompassing.

Reality Check

Almost a month after the day that changed a lot of things for Bob and I, I feel the desire to actually put it in writing...these bottled up feelings and emotions. There is no "right" way to start this, so I suppose I'll just dive in.

On October 21, Bob and I visited my pulmonary doctor for what we thought would be an uplifting, somewhat "routine" check up visit. Instead it proved to be one of the most heart wrenching, cathartic and emotionally draining visits yet. Let me preface this visit with the fact that I had devoted about 8 weeks (prior to the visit), to strict gym time with increasingly challenging heart pumping, lung burning cardio sessions and voluntary "groundings" on my part. What I mean by "groundings"; 8 hrs of sleep (at least) per night, no late nights with friends at the bars, healthful eating habits and mandatory adherence to my treatments and medications.  What's in a treatment?? What medications you ask??? Well, let me indulge you in the polypharmaceutical life, I live every day. 

Upon waking, I spend about 30 minutes inhaling "mist-acle" variety of drugs via a nebulizer.  Albuterol, opens up the airways (ahhhhh, I can feel it just thinking about it).  Pulmozyme, once the airways are opened, pulmozyme breaks up all the yucky mess that collects in my lungs.  It essentially breaks down the DNA of mucous that causes it to be sticky and thick (which is the cause for infections), and thus makes pulmonary clearance easier for me.  Pulmozyme is a "miracle" drug to many with cystic fibrosis and other lung conditions like myself. Then, I inhale a mist of steroids which help to reduce the inflammation.  Every other month, I end this trilogy of medications with a "fourth-comer" linebacker, TOBI.  Tobi is an antibiotic that I inhale to treat any infection currently going on within the battlegrounds of my lungs. When TOBI is involved, my daily routing is about 45 minutes. Along with the nebulizer and at the same time, I am continuously being "shaken up" by a HillRom Vest.  This vest I strap on, latch up and connect to a machine that produces airflow in vibrating patterns, hence, the shaking. The vest helps move things around and loosen up things in my lungs...all in hopes that it will make breathing for the day, better. The vest is also known as "pulmonary clearance", and my doctor wants me to do this four times a day (30 minutes each...or two hours total). Throughout the day, I revisit my "breathing station" and inhale albuterol to keep the lungs open.  I repeat the entire morning process in the evening before bed.  Exercise is form of pulmonary clearance so one dose of the gym is good for one "treatment" of the vest.  Also, throughout the typical day, Bob will pound on my back knocking on the door of gunk...keeping it from collecting in the lungs. All of this, we do just to put up a comparable fight against this stuff. There is a constant battle going on underneath the freckles, bones, muscles....down at a cellular level, and if we let up, it can take over rapidly and cause me to feel really icky, really fast.

Now, I am not complaining. Things could be a lot worse.  This is just how I have to live, no questions asked. So, back to the visit.  As I mentioned, I followed a strict agenda to have the best possible visit.  Every time I see the pulmonary doctor, they check my "lung function". And while those numbers do not mean everything, they sure have a visceral effect on me emotionally. Since childhood, I have never had "normal" numbers...thus as an adult, they are far from normal. To be blunt and precise, a "typical" or "normal" breathing human being, would have an FEV1 of 100%. Mine, roughly 35%.  This means that over half of my lung function has been lost to bronchiectasis. Over half.

Obviously this is where the problem comes in.  With such low lung capacity and such high risk for further injury, I "breathe" such a fine line of health and sickness. To add further insult, my doctor explained that just as a by product of living, humans tend to lose "x" amount of lung function per year, once one turns 30.  I will be 28 this year.  So the brutality of the situation resides in the fact that I have little room for complications.  Being an optimist, I like to think, I have a LOT of room for improvement.  A lot of my lung function is permanently damaged, but I am still clinging to the hope that there is still some room for improvement and I can get that 35% up to 40% or maybe 45%.  This is where the strenuous exercise comes in, as well as the "rules" I have to adhere to ever so closely.  Your lungs are like a muscle, so I have to work them hard to train and strengthen them  so as to obtain the best functionality from them as possible. 

Where it turns even more grim is here.  Because of my low lung function, I have to consider "options" as I continue to fight this battle. One option that has been brought to my attention, is that of a lung transplant. When lung function dips into the 20 percentile range, lung transplantation becomes a very serious and real situation.  While I was in the hospital in June, I visited with one of the top lung transplant specialists(and his team) in the nation.  This was a heavy reality check.  Just the thought of having to go through such a traumatic procedure frightens me.  (I mean...they take out the old damaged lungs, and replace them with bright new shiny lungs.  Like a trip to the car dealer, right??   Hardly.)  The situation also intrigues me, a successful transplantation can result in a much higher quality of life.  Life without breathing problems.  I can't imagine what this might feel like.  My doctor also cautiously insinuated that my "life span" ... will probably not be as long as a (here we go again), "normal-human-being." 

Having to face your own mortality is bizarre.  Realizing that a medical professional who sincerely cares about you, is telling you that your life might be cut "short" ... talk about anxiety, fear, distress, panic, sadness, anger, resentment, stress, insomnia, guilt, EMOTIONAL TURMOIL.  I cried more the first couple days after that visit than I have in years. I felt sad, depressed, scared and lifeless.  I felt I didn't have much going for me, everything is working against me.  I wanted so much to have an "A+" at the doctor and I felt like I walked away with a big fat "F".  I was doing everything right, yet I felt like I had done something wrong.  So to say the least, the visit was hard.  I lost hours of sleep, buckets of tears, probably a couple pounds...and to this day, I still lose it occasionally.  A song will come on and bring me to tears, or I will watch my husband sleeping and feel and overwhelming black cloud pour over me.  I don't ever want to leave him. I don't ever want my loved ones to see me suffer.

The visit did however, change my life for the better. Sometimes a little reality check is enough to bring clarity to things that once were blurry.  The visit made me realize that my life will be different and that I have to enjoy every moment as it could be my last. Each day is a blessing and every moment counts. It also made me realize how good I have things and which friends are truly my friends.  I have an ever loving and supportive husband and family.  I have friends that understand that things are different and they accept me for me.  I have two wonderful furballs who provide unconditional love every day. I have an amazing home in Chicago, I have a great job which allows me to give back.  My parents have always been by my side and would drop everything to be with me. To comfort me.  Sure, there are times when I let the situation get me down, but I am slowly but surely coming to terms with things.  I truly value the days I have on this earth....I truly value every breath I take.  One may consider myself unlucky, but I feel I am the lucky one.  To have such a perspective on life, to have such meaning and balance, clarity and to really appreciate things that actually matter most....is a gift.  God has given me my lungs, my situation and I can either take it and make the best of the situation or live miserably in fear of the worst.  There are people who will go through life, never stopping to embrace the moments that make life worth living.  Moments that warm your heart and comfort your soul.  I feel blessed and I while I hope others never have to deal with something as serious as our situation...I hope you can truly appreciate your life and your lungs for what they are.

"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

Welp, roids it is....hummpppfff.

Well, call me "Super-Rebs"...back on the roids again.  Prednisone can be a girls best friend, while at the same time an internal, emotional train-wreck in the making. It seems that sometimes prednisone is only thing that can end the massive wheezing and release the tightness within these walls of inflammation that I call my lungs. I never know what sets these episodes off, but I do know what ALWAYS helps, roids. Being in the health care field, I know what the long term effects of steroid use can be, so hopefully this will be a short "burst".  Until then, my wonderful husband has been alerted the the "rebs-roid-machine" is on the prowl and a simple "yes-hun" agreement with me usually works to his advantage:) 

On a much lighter and more exciting note, we are getting ready to book a couple big trips including one to Austin for Santa Clause and one to Maui for a wedding extravaganza in February!!  To escape the winter TWICE for warmer temps and sunny skies is truly a blessing during the cold, windy, depressingly grey skies we see for months in chi town.  Bob and I will also be traveling to Minnesota for Turkey day where we will spend the day feasting on tryptophan and enjoying the company of his family. 

Lastly, workouts have been steady. Saturday and Sunday Bob and I made it to the gym both days and I got a good 2.1mile run/walk in Saturday and a 25minute elliptical workout in Sunday.  Monday I took off and today (11/9) I detoxed at Bikram yoga for 90minutes.  Wheeew, that is a workout!!

Off to Austin & Happy Halloween!!

A much needed diversion (getaway) trip with mama fish starts tomorrow am!  We're off to Austin, Texas to check out the progress of their new house.  They are building an amazing "retirement" home and it is in the final stages of progression. It should be interesting to see, as the last time we saw it was in late August. 

Bob made it home from NYC after having to unexpectedly leave on Tuesday.  Poor guy has not stopped working since he got home yesterday morning, but we enjoyed the day together before I leave tomorrow. We went to the gym tonight and got in a quick cardio workout.  Im looking forward to spending time with my Mom, some friends and relaxing:)

Thanks to all my friends who checked in on me this week, sent me cards, texted...it means so much!

workout update

I have a lot to "blog about", but tonight seeing as though I am tired and ready to hit the bed...Im blogging about my workouts the past few days, so I can remember and keep up with what I have been doing.

Last Thursday 10/21/10 (the day that changed my life) - I went and got a good 25minute cardio session in before seeing the Dr. She said I sound as clear as I have ever sounded. That was some good news, the not so good news will follow sometime soon.

Fri-day off
Saturday (10/23/10) - workout in the parents hometown. 32 minutes and 3.5 miles on the elliptical
Sunday-day off
Monday - elliptical 25minutes/weight training
Tues-day off
Wednesday - (10/27/10) - ran/walked 27 minutes (2.1miles). A hard running day.

Night.

Broken

This is how I would describe my mood, broken.  Everything today has reminded me of that...part of my phone broke this morning, my powder compact in the make up bag, broken...and my mood, broken.  A tough day at the doctor yesterday, revealed how serious my situation is, how fragile life can be and how broken one can feel after feeling so solid. The situation hasn't changed all that much, but reality can sneak up and bite you in the ass when you least expect it.  Tough decisions are ahead, many wishes and hopes, broken.

Although this may read depressing, and I am down, I will not let it stop me.  I have too much to live for to feel sad, angry, upset and broken.  At this moment in time however, I am having a hard time picking up the pieces and putting them back together.  This time, the puzzle will fit together a little different, and it might take a little longer to get the pieces to fit just right...part of the puzzle might be missing. But, ultimately I will be ok, we will be ok and life moves on.  Thanks to all of my closest who have shared the feelings with me and are helping me to gather those pieces and build the puzzle again. I love you all.

Change, will do you good.

Change happens and change can be made.  Change is good, but feared by so many.  I find it interesting how people deal with change.  Humans are not readily accepting of change.  We get so comfortable in our "routine" that change is viewed like sour milk; we dislike it, want to throw it out, it makes us very uncomfortable and leaves a bad taste in our mouth.

At certain ages though, I feel change is welcomed rather than frowned upon.  As a child, we don't really notice change that much.  Sure, there are changes all around us, but we're so adapt to dealing with change that we hardly recognize its presence.  As we delve into our adolescent and early adult years, change seems more welcomed, in fact at times refreshing. We go to college, we graduate.  We begin careers, marry, have babies...change seems to happen every day.  These changes are often the light at the end of the tunnel, when it seems we're stuck in a rut. Something to look forward to, change.  Then, something changes...and we fear change, dislike "it", walk away from "it".  The older we get, the more stubborn we become.  Stuck in our ways, the "right" way. 

Working with the elderly really brings so much joy to my life.  The endless stories, the quotes, the laughter, the mentoring, the presence of someone who has lived through depressions, wars,scientific breakthroughs, monumental moments in American history.  It's amazing what you can learn, by sitting on the couch next to an 89yr old women while taking her vitals and poking her for blood.  But, one thing that is constant is their fear of change.  If there schedule is interrupted ever so slightly, it can cause a temper-tantrum that would rival any 5yr old's.  In fact, "bathroom trips" are a big deal...and if they are not "regular" the entire day is chaos. So, what is it that makes us fear change, object change?  Why do we welcome it, and then turn our backs on it?

I'm at a point in my life where change to me is good. Change can be healthy, refreshing, inviting and exciting.  I look forward to new things, new places, new events and I hope that I continue to welcome change rather than reject it. 

I'll leave you with this quote and encourage to not fear change, but embrace it...

"When you are through changing, you are through." - Bruce Barton

"Aint in no hurry"

I've always had a fascination with music, in fact ever since I can remember I was singing along to "Born in the USA" by the (in my opinion) all time greatest, Bruce Springsteen.  His music was and still is some of my favorite when I need a mental break and a "music healing".  As I grew older and we'll say, "more well rounded",  I've discovered many genres of music that are able to captivate me and bring me to another place where I can forget what is going on, OR really focus on what is going on.  I love classic rock, country, R&B, hip-hop, indie, soul, alternative, dance, electronic, jazz, oldies, blues, reggae...you name it, I love it.  The only thing that I don't particularly love is "heavy metal", but I did go through a stage where I would crank the volume and pretend like a rock star. 

Over the past few years, and more recently the past 6 months, I have come to appreciate some things that as a 16yr old or even as a 22 year old, I took for granted. I appreciate nights in with my husband and two dogs, I appreciate cards I get in the mail from friends just to say hello, I appreciate being able to get to the gym and workout. I appreciate that I have my parents so involved in my life and that they are still happily married. I appreciate homemade goodies, phone calls just to say hello, a good nights rest.  I appreciate a roof over my head and an ever supporting husband and family. I appreciate coffee dates with girlfriends and the beautiful colors of fall.  I appreciate music and what it can do for me....

When I workout, I usually have my "rebs mix" that includes mostly hip-hop, remixes and dance ...things to get my heart rate up and have a good beat. There are a couple songs that I feel have messages that inspire me to get working a little harder, go a little faster, fight against this battle that is always fighting me.  Here is a couple lines from one song that I feel I can relate to really well...

-Its the Climb-
"I can almost see it, the dream I'm dreaming...but there's a voice inside my head saying "you'll never reach it"... the struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, sometimes might knock me down, but no, I'm not breaking ... and I've got to be strong, just keep pushing on ... Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose, ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side...it's the climb".

This song really hit home with me in many ways. It's about perseverance, faith and hope, and even though it is not a wild a crazy song, every time I hear it I get pumped up and if it comes on during a workout, I workout harder for the 3-4minutes it plays. It's one of those songs that gets me mad at my lungs, and forces me to challenge them harder even if it hurts...

A second song I have come to just love, is by the Zac Brown Band...when I'm having or had a crazy day with work, I'll turn on this song and my favorite lines are below.

-No Hurry-
"Ain't in no hurry, be a fool now to worry, about all those things I can't change...and the time that I borrow, can wait till tomorrow, cause I ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry today".

It's been a while since I've had a chance to write, and I have kept up with my workouts...but for some reason I have not been feeling quite as well as I had the last month.  I am attributing it to the crazy up and down weather we've had and just being busy with work.  I've been able to lower my patient load with work and I'm focusing this week and next week on working out, sleeping and getting myself ready for my appointment with Dr. McShane at the end of the week next week.  It would be amazing if I actually will be able to see results in my FEV1 (lung function numbers) from the amount of working out I have been doing.  Fingers are crossed, but I am being a realist and thinking if I have maintained and not dropped...good.  Even better would be an increase...even 5%...so we'll see!

I only hope that one is able to find that "outlet" as simple as it is for me (music) that lets them turn the mind off, and escape reality for a bit.  Music has the ability to change my mood, get me motivated, relax me, energize me, make me cry and get me mad, which forces me to work harder. Everyone should find their outlet that gets them motivated:)

quick update

A real quick update on workouts this week.

Mon-run2.5miles
Wed-elliptical 25mins
Fri-Elliptical 20mins
Sun-Elliptical 27mins

A more detailed blog to follow!

31=)

31....31 minutes on the elliptical today, 3miles.  The last time I did that had to be at least a year ago.  I did not feel like working out today, but something in my mind kept saying "workout!!!"...so I did, and I met my goal for the week of reaching 30minutes on the elliptical. I worked up a great sweat, felt better afterwards and as always am glad I went for the workout. I wanted to jump up and down and scream after I completed my workout....it has been too long since I've been able to workout like I did today. Now I just need to get my 2 1/2 mile run in and we'll be up to speed.

We had a great start to our day with some coffee and took the dogs to the dog park. Tarver ran around like a wild man and Bella...well she didn't seem as excited to be there.  She was a loner at the dp =) After our workout we hit up a ribfest and then went to see "The Town". Great movie!  Now, time for goodnight!!

R

Work it!

Quick update today. 

Tues 9/21 - run 2miles
Wed 9/22 - off
Thurs 9/23 - elliptical 26:30mins


Workout #5 for the week today...it is getting easier, but still not easy...then again, I dont think working out should ever be easy.

2 years!

Anniversary time! 2 years today, I can not believe it. It is truly a blessing in life to find that someone that you trust your entire world with.  Bob has always been an amazing person, and throughout our journey together (since our first meeting at the Old Town Art Festival) he continues to bless me with support, unconditional love and lots of laughter.  We were at dinner the other night, enjoying some amazing steak, and he asked me what my favorite part of the past couple years have been.  My answer, was simply growing together, learning from each other and continuing to nourish our relationship.  We've certainly had challenging times, but those are greatly overwhelmed by fond memories and lots of love.

This past year proved to be a challenging one for me health wise.  With two hospitalizations within two months of each other, we both came to realize just how fragile life and health can be.  Thanks to much support of my husband, we've made some changes that benefit the both of us.  I've learned that I simply can not run on little sleep, so I have become an old lady and am in bed by 9 or 10pm most nights.  Continuing to show his love and support, Bob will crawl in bed with me, rub my back and let the princess sleep.  I had to switch jobs and take some time off in between, and Bob continued to support me and was happy with me being home.  He challenges me to be diligent with my treatments, working out, eating right and of course sleeping. This is what marriage is all about.  Challenging each other to be the best as an individual and consequently growing even closer as a couple.  I am so thankful for the relationship we have =)

Finally, I have continued to work out.  I have been mixing up the cardio with running and the elliptical.

Sat 9/18-elliptical 25 mins (2.25miles)
Sun 9/19-treadmile 30mins (2.25miles)
Mon 9/20-elliptical 20 mins (2miles)

My goal by the end of the week this week is to be up to a stead 25-27mins on the elliptical and running 2.5miles.

Wishing all well!
Rebs

Back to the Grind...

It has been a while since I have been able to blog, so an update is in store. This past week was full of surprises, birthdays, flights, and an unfortunate trip back to Texas.  Last weekend, mama fish pulled off a wonderful suprise 60th birthday party for Mr. Fish. Complete with a shocking surprise at mexican restaurant, to some unheard but oh-so-entertaining stories about good ole dad, we had a great time.  After spending a couple days in Austin for the surprise party, we traveled to Sequin, Tx where my Aunt Carolyn and Grandmother resided. Grandma Fischer was not doing well, but I am convinced she knew of our presence and heard everything we said.  The very next morning, she passed.  While it is never easy to lose someone, it can be a blessing that one is no longer in pain and/or suffering. 

Bob and I took a flight home Sunday night and we both worked Monday and Tuesday.  I returned to Dallas Wednesday morning and my brother, Sharon (sister-in-law) and I drove to Haskell, Texas where the funeral was held.  It was good to see the family, some of which it had been years since we last were reunited. After the funeral we had some fine, homemade southern cooking, prepared by some of the local women from the church.  Let me tell you, it was delicious!!  Those little ladies sure know how to cook!

I returned to Chicago Thursday night, tired, hungry and in need of a long night's sleep.  It's amazing how differently my body handles long hours and little sleep these days. I slept for 12hrs straight Thursday night and woke up in a fog Friday morning.  Friday night was an early one for us and I woke up today feeling much better.  I'm not back to normal as I seem to run out of energy very quickly, but I think with lots of sleep, hydration and getting back into my "routine", I will be fine.  I seem to walk a fine line between lack of sleep and slipping into what I will call "IV time".  I am either a lot more sensitive to these things (lack of sleep, stress of traveling, stress in general), or I am much more "in-tune" with my body.  It's probably a combination of both....

Work has been good, I have two new patients to see next week so I am going to rest up for the work week ahead.  Fall is now upon us, which means football season...which means Saturday morning workouts followed by football games and sweats!!

As for the working out.....that will be resuming tomorrow once I get a little more energy reserves:)

Keep on Truckin'

Well, this week has been a really good one thus far...but I'm tired! With the hubby out on business, starting a new job and keeping up with the workouts, I think I am going to need some recovery time this weekend! First, the new job.  So far, so good!  I had my first home visit Tuesday with a Nursing Supervisor from Alliance and myself. The patient is my age (27) and had to have some minor surgery to remove a hair follicle gone bad.  I generally do not like wounds (I've found that over the last couple of years of experience, even us nurses find stuff that can be a little too much for our stomach's). Wounds, are not my thing. BUT, it is part of the job and learning about the new equipment and treatment that is available is always interesting.  Thankfully this patient is very independent and can do some things on his own. I learned how to initiate the "Wound-Vac" on someone (we always had special wound nurses in the hospital take care of that), so it was a good learning experience. My supervisor is going with me tomorrow to visit him one last time before I take over on Monday.

My second visit this week was solo and for an elderly woman who has hypertension and arthropathy.  She is basically admitted for some rehabilitation at home per her son's request as she has progressively gotten weaker.  Really cute lady, really nice and very cooperative.  Due to some mix up with the primary care doctor and their lack in getting back to me with complete orders, the patient has still not been seen by PT.  I am going to make sure they get there tomorrow and I will see her again.  On the humorous side, the patient (who mind you, is 71) was "dipping" the entire time I was with her. For those of you who are like me and do not know the difference between "dipping" and "chewing" my husband clarified. This patient was dipping. :) Hey, they are in their home on their time...who am I to tell them they can not "dip". 

Today I met with one of our marketing reps that works in the same area as me, so that I could meet the Suburban Surgical Center nurses, staff and doctors. All were really nice, and it will be nice to be able to put familiar face with the name as they are a big client that will be giving me a lot of patients.

Workouts have continued this week and are going pretty well. I've had a little lack of energy getting to the gym just because I have been working and the dogs were ready to go outside at 6:45am every morning this week.  I learned that the dogs will wake up around 6:30-7:00 regardless of when they go to sleep, so if I can get to bed earlier (rather than taking them out late at night in hopes that they too will want to sleep in), Ill get more sleep.  Each morning I was greeted with a paw on my chest and lick in the face, followed by a tail whack and then some barks to let me know they really had to go!

Back to the workouts, they were as follows.

Mon-Walk 5min, run 2mins x3 sets (and I added another couple mins of walking) total -25mins cardio, 1.85miles
Tues-off
Wed-First I walked the dogs for 30mins in the am, then at the gym ...Walk 5mins,run 2mins x3 sets (I didnt really follow this as I felt pretty good and basically walked 3 mins, ran 2mins-total time 35mins, 2.75miles. (weights-thighs, quads, glutes)
Thurs-elliptical 2miles, 22minutes (weights-biceps, triceps, lats)

Tomorrow is a running day and I've got a couple patients to see, so I might try to do it in the am. 

The journey continues, the runs progress, the job takes form...I am glad to get back into nursing as I missed that sense of contribution and accomplishment during my months off.  Nursing, is definitely my calling as I love what I do!!

-R

Time for the real world!

Wow...after a fabulous weekend of surprising my husband for his 32nd birthday, it is time to get back into the reality of the working world. I'd like to share a recap of the birthday surprises first and foremost though!

Thursday night, I told Bob I had dinner reservations for he and I (and he figured out that it was at our favorite sushi spot), but he had no idea that behind the door upon our entrance sat 16 of our great friends!!  Upon entering I turned him around and "SURPRISE"!!!  We had a great dinner, great conversation and well let's just say the Friday 8:30am meeting for Bob was a little rough ;).  Next was Friday, we made homemade pizza and had a relaxing night in.  Lights out by 10pm so we were ready for the next surprise Saturday. 

Saturday morning I woke up and went for a 30min walk to get the lungs moving and then came home, packed and dropped our pups off at Wicker Pet.  Bob had a minor hiccup in that he left his wallet at work so we made a trip downtown to pick that up before heading north to Milwaukee.  About 10 minutes prior to our destination I blindfolded Bob with a pink bandanna (actually it was Bella our dogs bandanna but that was all I could find in a hurry Sat am)...so with a furry bandanna at our destination, out popped his grandfather Ed!! Bob was surprised we were at his grandparents but happy to see that we were.  The surprise wasn't over as Brian and Kari and Bob's parents were all waiting inside to give Bob and big birthday hug!!  We had a great brat lunch and spent some time just being with his family before heading into downtown Milwaukee. There, Brian, Kari and I had a great time (and participated in a mini bar crawl) and ended the night with a nice Mexican dinner.  Bob and I made a stop at the cheese castle south of Racine, WI yesterday and bought some cheese for the road.

After a fun weekend, I am ready to start the new job! Today I will be seeing my first patient.

Wishing all a great week!

6PM- workout details- walk 5mins, run 2 mins x3 sets, 2 more laps = total 2.07miles, 30mins.

Exercise and Birthdays.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I have started working out again and am attempting to get my running legs/lungs back.  It is hard work, but well worth the pain and discomfort as I always breathe better "post workout". Below you will see the cardio I did this week, and I still have tonight's workout and hopefully one in the morning before celebrating Bob's 32nd birthday. Since today is Friday, I am going to start with last weeks Thursday (8/5/10)...when I decided to take the plunge and get back to running.

Thurs (8/5)- Walk 6 mins, Run 1 min - 30 mins (outside)
Friday - took the day off as I had a CPR class that took up most of the day
Sat-walk 6mins, run 1min x21 mins, then walk 3mins, run 1min x 10 mins - 36mins (2.5miles)
Sun-off
Mon-walk 6mins, run 1min x 25 mins - 1.77miles
Tues-elliptical 25mins/weights
Wed-walk 6mins, run 1:30min x 24 mins- 1.65miles
Thurs-off

So there you have it. While I would love to say that I went out and ran 3miles...that is just not happening yet. Some days are really good workout days and others I feel like my heart might pound right out of my chest. Some days I feel like I can keep going, others I feel like I can't get going.  One thing is consistent, I ALWAYS breathe MUCH better after doing some sort of cardio workout.  The trick is increasing the cardio while not loosing any weight (in fact I would love it if I could gain a few solid pounds).  Tonight (hopefully soon) I will be grabbing the birthday boy from work and we will be hitting the gym.  Since I have a little surprise planned for him this weekend, I really need to get a workout in today and possibly in the morning.

On a completely different note, I will be starting my job in the field next week....which is very exciting but also a little nerve racking. I am ready to start and I hope that it provides that level of satisfaction and fulfilment that I got from my last job...but proves to be less stressful and  easier on my body.  This is a totally different kind of nursing, going into one's home.  Seeing a patient in the comfort of their home and in their element will (hopefully) be a nice change from hospital nursing. Time will tell and one can only know if they like or dislike something if they give it a whirl.

Thought of the day- "Consistency for longevity".

Rubber Band Girl...

After a busy week, a little downtime on the weekends is always much needed.  One of our favorite activities to do on the weekends...curl up on the couch and watch movies.  Currently while I am writing this, the hubby and the two dogs are all horizontal watching the movie "Surrogates".  While we need the relaxation, we also need the activity. 

This week I started a new running program, much thanks to a new found "Internet friend" who battles Cystic Fibrosis.  After doing some Internet research looking for a portal of information and communication I came upon a website (http://runsickboyrun.blogspot.com).  This is a very nice blog developed by a guy who battles CF everyday.  His attitude and outlook is amazing and it has been with his encouraging words and inspiration, that I have decided to attempt running again.  While I do not have CF, I can relate to their symptoms, treatment and challenges. Along with the creator of RSBR website, I believe that physical activity plays a crucial role in the health of anyone, in particular those who battle (for lack of better words) "crappy" lungs. 

As a child up until college I played competitive soccer.  Of course, I was always a little "different" than my teammates in that I seemed to be just one step behind with running. I would always seem to run out of air much quicker than my teammates, but I pushed through it and always managed to hold my own.  During my freshman year of college, I...well, let's just say I had a really good time.  Not only did I seem to spend more time reading magazines than textbooks and in the bars than class, but I had gotten to a point where I was SO TIRED of HAVING to exercise.  Up until this point, I had been on a schedule of practice 2-3 times a week, with games, tournaments, scrimmages on the weekends.  Along with practice and games, we had conditioning camps, tryouts, mini-tournaments....soccer, was my life and it was extremely intense for many, many years.  I actually was recruited for a D3 school and offered a full-ride scholarship to play soccer...after much consideration,I declined respectfully.  Looking back, I probably put a pit in my parents stomach...full-ride vs. full tuition??? Well, thankfully they respected my decision to not continue my competitive soccer career, and I chose University of Iowa.

After taking a semester off from working out...it was with the support of my good friend Ellen Davis, that I hit the gym again...and a lot...in fact I would run 7 miles a couple times a week.  We were workout buddies and got each other to the gym when the other person was feeling less than motivated. My lungs always seem to feel better after a workout.  I can't tell you the last time I ran 7 miles, but I do know that working out is crucial to my health and well-being.  Most people might think..."okay, so just workout and you will be fine"...not the case.  It's just not that easy...working out has gone from something that I LOVE, to something I dread and fear, and I have slowly gotten back to my affection for a good sweat again. Actually, I love the feeling after a good sweat, but it's hard.  To try and best explain it...take a very thin, large rubber band with a big diameter and stretch it out and let it recoil to it's original size...pretty easy? Now imagine taking a very THICK, SMALL diameter rubber band and try stretching that out...not that much "give", lots of resistance, harder to expand...add some wheezing, inflammation and.. (sorry for the gruesome details) mucous...that's my lungs in a nutshell. So...step on a treadmill and try running. Extremely hard!! 

Studies have shown that exercise can increase one's FEV1 (basically a test that evaluates one's lung capacity and functionality).  A normal person should have a FEV1 around 100%.  Someone with CF, Bronchiectasis, Asthma, COPD...on a good day could be in the 50-60% percentile range... and in reality its often much lower (depending on the severity of course). So for someone like myself, increasing the FEV1 is extremely important. Some damage is irreversible, but I believe there is always room for improvement. This is why I am committing to getting back into running. Why running?? It is one of the hardest cardiovascular/whole body challenges one can partake in.  It is not easy, it's painful, it's challenging, it can be ugly...then eventually, your body accepts it and your lungs become stronger.  This is the end goal...to become stronger and breathe easier...no drug can build up lung strength...running can be my drug of choice. 

The running program is 8 weeks and a continuous increase in the time spent running and less time walking...but all at a very respectable pace to build up to running consistently for 30-40 minutes.  This past week I started with day one which included lots of high paced walking, and a few quick runs...let me tell you, as easy as it sounds and probably is for the "normal" person...it was a breath-sucking workout for me...I also did a couple days of elliptical workouts for about 25 minutes each time and included some weight lifting and too many lunges (I was sore all week!!).  

The way I see it, I only have one choice and that is to better myself and press on against the pain and discomfort.  The stronger I am, the better I am for myself, my husband, my family and friends. 

Now, time to peel myself off the couch and get the lungs and legs working a bit!

Thought of the day..."To better oneself can only come from within"

Fighting for Air.

New beginnings are upon us all the time, and for me August marks a new beginning. Having had a rough couple months with health issues, things are slowly but surely getting back to normal.  Everyday is a continuous fight for air, but one that I will continue to fight until all the air is gone.  It's unusual to find someone that understands what it is like to be in the shoes of someone with lungs that don't function like they should... not to fault anyone for that of course.  Not even upon my worst enemy would I wish for them to experience a day in my shoes, it is just not right.  While I could cry (which I sometimes do) and complain (which I sometimes do), I try to embrace what God has given me.  There is a reason why I have lungs that challenge me from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed...and often while I sleep.  There is a reason why I have to fight so hard, and it only makes one stronger when things aren't easy.  Everyday, I become a stronger person, because I have to.

This summer has been one that continues to prove eventful, relaxing and hot! Chicago has had heat like I used to feel in Dallas and Houston and I am ready for some cooler weather and football games galore. Not to say we have not enjoyed the summer, in fact we have.  Our trip to California was simply blissful.  Relaxation combined with the company of family and friends, rejuvenated us to face the "real world" upon our return. Bob became smothered in work and travel and my acceptance of a new job (yay!) has proven that reality is upon us.  Too bad vacation doesn't last forever!

I must say after these past few months, I've come to lean on others for their continued support and guidance.  We all know family and friends are important and not until we find out how important they are, do we appreciate them like we should. Until something is taken from us, we don't miss it.  I'd like to thank all of those who are in my life, who provide unconditional love and support, who love me for being me.  Thank you to my wonderful husband who is my backbone when I need him to be and my personal masseuse everyday :) Thank you to my wonderful Mom and Dad who are always and have always been there at the drop of a dime. Thank you to all my friends who check in on me just because they care.  Life is what you make it, and with the help of all of my family and friends, life is wonderful.

Thought of the day..."Love those who love you and never take one breath of air for granted".