What the hell just happened????

My life was changed, yet again on Wednesday, July 22nd.  I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  It all started with an MRI I did 6 months ago for back pain and it was noted then that the thyroid had a nodule on it.  From there I had an ultrasound, which was "suspicious", so on Monday last week I had a thyroid biopsy that came back malignant.  Only 5 % of thyroid nodules are malignant, leave it to my good luck to fall in that "rare" malignant category.  Within 24 hrs, I got a call from my doctor with the diagnosis, met with a surgeon and had a CT scan done to check for any abnormal lymph nodes in my neck.  CT was done Friday last week, to find out Monday I have one enlarged node they have a little concern over.  

So this brings me to yesterday, Tues, July 29th.  Went in for a lymph node biopsy at 8am.  The radiologist couldn't find the lymph node that was showing up on the CT scan - so no biopsy was able to be performed. Then, we were told we'd do some pre-op testing and meet with the anesthesiologist who will be with me day of surgery ... only to find out once we were there that he is out on a camping trip until next week ... really?? WTF???  We spent 6 hrs in the med center and walked out with a pre-op EKG and labs done.  We did speak with a nurse practitioner who works with the anesthesiologist, which to her credit was probably the only thing that kept me from falling apart and looking like a hot mess in the hospital.

Words I never imagined would be a part of my vocabulary in my patient chart - "cancer" and "possible metastatic disease" - but throw that in there along with those words of "double lung transplant" and "bilateral mastectomy".  Can't a girl get a "f-ing" break??  We still aren't sure how this will affect me as a lung transplant candidate, that is yet to be discussed with our team down here, but we're hopeful that once the thyroid/lymph node is removed, I will essentially be cured, and not a high risk patient for transplant.  Right now we're trying to focus on this thyroid/lymph node mess and then we'll readdress the transplant situation.  I also started IV antibiotics and steroids on Monday this week to try and get my lungs in as best condition possible for the surgery which is tentatively scheduled for 8/20.

I will forever remember that call from my pulmonologist, who so sensitively gave me the news.  I was driving to (what a surprise) another appointment.  I received an email from her and all it said was "can you call me".  Right then I new the news wasn't favorable.  I was literally driving through a roundabout when she told me.  My heart sank, I felt like I was the only person on the road, my hands started shaking, I almost threw up, I lost all the air my so depleted lungs ... and I think I went around the roundabout 3 times.   People probably thought I was on drugs, or just a terrible driver...not that I just found out I have this cancer growing in my body.

This has all been so overwhelming, scary and very emotional.  But, we've had a ton of support and positive vibes sent our way. We'll get through this as we do everything else ... and hopefully life will return to "our normal" soon.  From here, we continue with the IV therapy through surgery, we'll hopefully try again to meet the anesthesiologist next week to come up with a game plan on anesthesia, possibly try again on the lymph node biopsy and then get surgery over with.  I will be in the ICU after surgery as a precaution and will likely stay in the hospital for a couple days.

Thanks to everyone who has reached out, even those I haven't talked to in a long time ... those who had no clue what was going on but wanted to show support.  Those who've offered to travel thousands of miles to be with me.  One can't help but feel "alone" in this world during times like these, even though I know I'm not.  When it comes down to it, I am the one with the diagnosis, I am the one who has to undergo the knife and recovery ... but I know I have so many who will be by my side.

I also can't say this enough, but thank you to all who have shown support to those who support me most ... my husband who dropped everything to be with me at my lowest.  My parents who in a matter of only a couple hours packed their car and came over to Houston to be with me.  My brother and sister in law, who despite living in Boston, made me feel like they were right here with me.  People often forget how these things affect loved ones ... it's incredibly stressful for them as well. I need them and your support helps them, help me.

So - ending on a positive, we will move forward, one step, one day at a time and we will find the goodness in all of this mess somehow.  Much love to you all.  -Rebs